Fighting Silence
- 12 hours ago
- 3 min read
Today Is a Hard Day
I do not have explanations, and I do not feel like myself. I do not feel ready to be reached.
I am dealing with deep, persistent irritability, difficulty focusing, emotional anxiety, isolation, and abandonment. At times, an intense state of uneasiness and fear rises inside me without warning or any immediate physical danger. I feel constantly on edge, tense, restless, overwhelmed, and unable to quiet my mind.
I am not loving life right now. Fighting this is an unwanted battle I never consented to, yet it has become a lifelong struggle.
There are times when I feel as though I do not want to be here- in those moments I seek my Savior for hope. ~Michelle
The Silence I Was Raised In
I grew up in an environment where violence and control were treated as expected, unspoken parts of life. Turning to outside authorities was forbidden. Asking for help was considered betrayal. Suffering was expected to remain silent.
Abuse was hidden behind closed doors because protecting the reputation of the family or community mattered more than protecting the individual. Calling the police, reaching out for help, or speaking to someone outside the family was treated as disloyalty.
Physical punishment, harsh control, and rigid dominance were disguised as proper discipline, respect, tradition, or simply “the way things have always been done.”
I was taught that no one outside would understand me, believe me, or help me. Isolation cut me off from family, friends, and support, making me increasingly dependent on the very people who were hurting me.
What It Has Done to Me
I live with ongoing worry about ordinary things. I expect the worst in everyday situations. I struggle to focus, clear my mind, or feel safe in public. I fear being judged, embarrassed, or misunderstood.
Panic can rise suddenly and without warning. It causes extreme distress and pushes me further into isolation.
I have fought years of cancer, multiple illnesses, sexual abuse, domestic abuse, abandonment, and psychological manipulation—often alone.
The physical harm was devastating, but the psychological warfare created wounds that have lasted even longer.
The mind games damaged the way I see myself. They weakened my self-worth, independence, confidence, and ability to trust my own judgment.
When I confronted the people who harmed me, they denied what happened and rewrote the past. Their denial forced me to question my memory, my perception, and even my sanity.
That is not confusion. It is cruelty.
I was provoked until I reacted, and then my reaction was used against me. I was made to feel responsible for the abuse.
“You asked for it.”
“You made me do it.”
Those words destroyed parts of me. They left me feeling unstable, ashamed, and responsible for actions that were never mine to own.
The Aftermath
Survival does not end when the abuse ends.
It becomes fight after fight, day after day. It is loving the person someone pretended to be while fearing the person they truly became. It is scanning every room for danger long after leaving. It is blaming yourself for not leaving sooner. It is wondering why you missed the warning signs. It is carrying the weight of what was done to you while the people responsible deny it ever happened.
Rebuilding
My healing requires more than simply moving on.
It requires rebuilding my identity from the ground up.
It means learning to trust my own judgment again.
It means rediscovering my voice, my strength, my independence, and the parts of myself that abuse tried to erase. Healing is the reconstruction of who I am after years of being told who I was allowed to be. It is personal growth. It is empowerment.
It is learning that I am more than what happened to me.
And even on days like today—when I feel exhausted, unreachable, and unsure of how to keep fighting—I am still here.
That matters.
My story is not finished.
About the Author
Michelle Coleman is a woman of faith, a survivor, and a passionate encourager who believes broken pieces can become sources of strength, wisdom, and purpose. Rooted in her island spirit and guided by her love for God, Michelle uses her voice, her experiences, and her uplifting videos to remind others that they are not forgotten, defeated, or alone.
Through heartfelt video content, faith-based encouragement, and her work alongside End Silence, Inc., Michelle brings hope into difficult places and helps others recognize the strength they may not yet see within themselves. Known as our Duet Diva, she uses creativity, encouragement, and connection to lift others up and remind them that survival is not the end of the story—healing, growth, and purpose are still possible.
Michelle is also the creative heart behind Island Soul Life and Diva Treats: Island Tropical Blends, where she celebrates faith, culture, community, and the warmth of island living.
Michelle - this turned out wonderful. Thank you for sharing your story!
Hey Linda .. SEE if you can log in?
This turned out beautiful sis.